My first two crochet chemo caps- after this week of challenges I have been trying to find time to do something for others. When DH went to the doctor on Monday -they put him straight in the hospital.He was in Really bad shape.

According to the tests and Xrays he has really big tumors in his tummy & along with them giant blood clots. All of this is putting extreme pressure on his organs & he was in excruciating pain -plus a headache that they just could not get a handle on for two days. They even throwed morphine at him and gave him the little pump to give him a little extra hit.

His bowels had locked up and they poured fluids to him night and day. He was also nauseous & they put medicine in his drip to help with that.  He was so weak and it just broke my heart to see him suffering so much. Being burnt when he was 25 was bad enough -but here we are once again living with doctors and pain.  

That is why I have not been able to post -there have just not been enough hours in the day . Plus, putting him in the hospital throwed me back in the drivers seat and I am not comfortable with that AT ALL. It is not only my fear -but something with my eyes. One morning when I went out my eyes were so fuzzy that all I could see was the shape and colors on road signs . But, hours later -my eyes cleared up and I could gauge things much better.

It is bad enough watching for my mistakes -but- there are some real IDIOTS out on the roads. I almost got run over by a van coming into me from the right hand side -which was not even a lane there! I slammed on brakes so he could Shoot over in front of me -which caused the car behind me to slam on his brakes not to plow into the back of me!

Or going down a steep hill and I knew there was a road at the bottom of the hill coming into this one. I always slow down just in case - and thank goodness I did because another van pulled Right Out in front of me -with me not 10 feet from him. If I had been driving the normal speed limit of 55mph -there would have been No Way I could have missed him. I think that was what he was hoping for because IF you hit someone in the rear - it is automatically your fault. Then he kept driving on all sides of the road swerving every which way. I slowed down and backed off because I knew IF he met someone Head On on one of the hills that it would throw him back into me and I certainly Did Not Want That. I was SO Miffed at that idiot!

This is the first day that I have found a little bit of time to myself. DH is home and I am thrilled. The one thing we are not thrilled about is I have to give him a shot in his tummy everyday that they hope will help dissolve the blood clots. He said I do better than some of the nurses & I appreciate that.

I want to learn how to operate his John Deere tractor -it is a small version . So , when it needed to be moved I borrowed his sister's camcorder and made a video of all the things you have to do. I hate machines and I think they know it . Then he talked me through putting the mowing deck on. It was HARD work & I told him that it would never come off of there If I had my way.  LOL

Of course he was exhausted and made his way back to the house. Next I got the bright idea to test out my memory on using his John Deere lawn mower .Of course the tires were flat so I had a lesson on putting air in the tires -that was not easy either. There was a trailer that was sitting in the way that was filled with litter -so I next tackled how to hook it up. It was terribly hard for me -but I finally accomplished that too and got the trailer moved. I brought the mower back and parked it right at his compressor so I can pump up the tires when I get brave enough to try that again.

He wanted me to see about mowing the lawn with his bigger tractor , but it was SO HOT today that I wiggled out of that. I was So hot when I got the morning chores accomplished that I took a shower and was so exhausted that I was just trembling. I grabbed a drink and sat down with him to watch tv while I cooled off.  I could not help but noticed that he is swollen from his waist down TWICE his size. It is horrible , but they said that is just part of his disease. Something about the tumors pressing on the organs and the blood & fluids can come down -But- cannot go back up. I have never seen anything like it in my lifetime & I hope I never do again. If I could "squirm out" of watching his suffering I wish I could -but - what do you do ? Love bears all things -good or bad.

I did manage to get my yellow squash seeds and some marigold seeds  & cantaloupe planted -right at dark -when it was a little cooler.  I also fixed a pot of lentil soup but DH does not like lentils so I ate it and fixed him something different. He has trouble with food tasting bad anyway.

So, Dear Blog family - I have not forgotten about any of you - there just has not been enough time in a day to slip you a note-but I think of each of you daily and am So grateful for you. I hope each of you is having lovely weather . Also that the ones in American have a lovely holiday!

I Might have to post sporadically depending on  how I manage DH's care & support & also manage a house out of control also. It does not mean that I have forgotten about you  because I carry each of you in my heart and am so grateful for you.
Love to all - Linda