Saturday, July 21, 2012

Update for my blog family- My dear husband passed away this past Sunday night while at home . It was the most horrendous experience I have ever lived through. I have learned there are different types of deaths-some more peaceful than others. His was absolutely horrible- it sounded like he was drowning in fluids and he would gaze at you with pain filled eyes. The last three days I sat and held his hand in between all the other events and I could not help but sob as I watched him suffer. His body was still here with us and you wanted to pray for healing like when he was burnt so tragically in 1972- - - but this was a different experience - - - as you watched his body shutting down and you could not change it. I could only love him with all of my heart and support what Hospice told us to do to keep him comfortable and tell him to go home all at the same time, as my heart yearned for him to stay with me.

Even at death -nothing was to be easy. We had both donated our bodies to science so I had told Hospice and the little nurse came out and pronounced death and she and I gave him his last bath and removed all medical accessories from his body.

Then she called the number for the donation site and they did not return her call for an hour and a half. Now there were about 30 people hanging out at our home and I was getting terribly upset with this process-probably because I did not want to share it with a crowd of people.

When they finally returned her call they kept her on the phone for another hour asking questions and then at 3 AM they dropped the bomb that the donation was rejected??????? Here we are with No other plans-I was FURIOUS with Science Care. How could they be so cruel & insensitive ? For the next two hours the little nurse worked her heart out trying to figure out what options we had. It was horrible!  Finally Hospice arranged for transport to our local hospital for storage. That was horrible to.

All the next day -plans were just up in the air . I told my beloved daughter that I did not like the idea of Dad being in an "apartment down town" without me by his side. Finally the next day the plans all came together and we got to accomplish his desires to be able to help others. The young man from the donation site called and talked to me with a few questions. I told him how horrible I thought Science Care had been and he apologized to me -even though it was not his fault or his company. I asked if they ever accepted applications while still alive and he said yes-so I asked to be sent the information and told him I would stick my tongue out at Science Care.

Then the rest of this week has been a miserable blur. I have been swamped with people and family and I just do not do good with crowds . Thank goodness our daughter has come to my rescue , doing interventions for me. She has been such a "God-send". All of our children have been such a blessing for me and also Doug's sister Katherine. She -too -was a rock. She had been through this process before with their Mother and knew a lot of what to expect. She stayed by his side to allow me times to catch a nap . I had laid out two small mats on the floor and it seemed there were always somebody on them.

Even though he is gone there are SO many small details that need immediate attention so I have not had time to "come back" to life yet as I seem to be going with the flow as good as I can. I wanted to take time to thank Chris from "Diet Coke Rocks" for the beautiful "care-package" that she has sent to me. I appreciate all of your support and prayers. They have meant the world to me!

I hope to take another week to try to do some of these important details that seem to drown me. I love you all so very much.
Hugs- Linda