Saturday, June 30, 2012

New chemo cap that I took to the Cancer Center on Weds. I even got brave and embroidered the little flower on that front tab. How I love that Janome ! It really puts up with me and all I ask it for.

Wedsday really turned out to be a different chapter in this ongoing cancer story. As I turned in the chemo caps DH had another stroke right there in the chemo room as the nurse went to flush his Picc Line. They rolled him in the chair into a regular exam room and started giving him pain meds and fluids and meds for vomiting and oxygen. We were like sardines in that small space with all of the medical things.

Then the doctors asked if I wanted to send him to the hospital where it would take a load off of me -OR- whether I wanted to take him home-so I elected to take him home where I thought we could do better. The doctor called Hospice in . I got back home too late for them to come that evening because the drug store did not have the meds .But when I checked in with them the next morning the first nurse came right out and did a history and made arrangements for all kinds of things and it showed up the next morning.

They brought their bed and an air mattress and a wheelchair and a portable pottie and two kinds of oxygen and they put the Catheter (sp?) in. It was kind of overwhelming , but the young nurse was an angel. The next morning another worker came and checked on us .

Then on Friday I asked his sister and her DH to come . Eddie stayed with Doug and Kat went with me to take the critters to the pet store. I don't know what is wrong with my eyes , but I had a fit driving as some kind of film kept creeping in over my eyes and I kept trying wipe them away. I was so grateful for someone riding "shot-gun". When I hit the interstate to come home there was a wreck and we were stuck in traffic for an hour to go one mile . It was horrible.

After they left we had a bad storm -the winds were horrible -they almost blowed me off of our front porch. We lost our electricity and use of all phones. I did not want to open the refrigerator so I stayed out of it until this morning when I figured we were about to lose all of our food anyway. I pulled out cheese and we had them with crackers for breakfast.

 After we had just finished with them a car pulled in and I thought it was a nurse because she was thinking about stopping -it looked like her little light colored car-but NO
It was our lovely daughter and her two children that we have not see in 12 years! What a total nice shock.
It hit DH so hard that he started to cry and of course then me.  These are definitively some "gut-wrenching" times.

Behind her -our oldest son and his family . Cory fixed the lawn mower with the parts that he had bought and paid for and then he fixed the generator and pulled it down to the house and ran a cord in the living room so IF we lose our electricity I will be able to plug something in? We also lost our phones and the internet so I could not let any of you know what had happened.

We got SO lucky with the storm because a tree had scraped one of our granddaughters trailers -but they had just moved from a trailer in the same trailer park and the one they had moved out of was cut in half by a tree!

One boy was killed sitting in his car when a tree fell on him.

They had called for another storm this afternoon and when it started getting late we all got kinda nervous. But we are blessed again tonight so far!

I just had to let you know what all is going on. You guys are a definite sanity saver!
Hugs of appreciation to each of you! -and stay safe.
love - linda

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Hi Blog Family,
It is hard to believe that DH has been at home for two weeks today. I was taking pictures of the granddaughters cutting his finger nails -one on each side of him -when DDL jumped in front of me Just as he got tickled and laughed so I went ahead and snapped it -even if I did get her arm - I still got the smile.

In my personal experience taking care of someone you love is a little like riding a roller coaster, some days you have a high day when things co-operate and your patient feels decent. Other days is like the roller coaster swooping down and going through a dark tunnel. If they feel bad you automatically blame it on the cancer when I really can be something else -like a BUG.

I say this because Yesterday DH was SO Sick. He was riding with me to the mill when all of a sudden -out of the blue I had to stop in the middle of a country road because there was a guard rail and I could not get out of the road for DH to throw up. I HATE to see him throw up as in my own experience it just takes SO much out of you. Then a little further down the road -same story.

I had just pulled out on the mail road when he directed me to dart into a little side road . As he baled out of the vehicle he dropped his slacks and we opened both doors on one side for what little bit of privacy  that we could muster and things flew out of him from both ends. It was horrible

I had put some sox tops that I had cut off into the car to use in emergencies and this was just the time. We used the tops kinda like a liner to his clothes as they were all messed up. I made it down the road about two miles when it hit him again . Same story once again and there was no side road this time. Seeing someone you love suffering through this gut wrenching experience just breaks your heart.When we made it back home  he went straight to the shower and I helped wash him off where he could not reach.

Then at 11:30pm he had a mini stroke that lasted for approximately 15 minutes which felt like forever.  His lip drooped on the left side really bad and I had trouble understanding him for a while. I wondered IF it had something to do with all of that stress ??????

Our youngest son & his family was here at that time & then today our oldest son & his wife came so he could mow our neighbors yard that DH had enjoyed doing and it meant so much to him.They live on a steep hill and he got halfway through and the belt broke on him.Seems as if there is always something going on that you cannot prepare for.

DH has not co-operated with me for the last two days on drinking his alternative tea and without it in his system at a constant level it cannot help him and that scares me to death.Also his appetite is not good . Yesterday he ate one small egg all day long. I know he fears eating because then his stomach hurts. He slept most of the day today.

I have not given up on my sewing -this is two more chemo caps that I sewed and I was happy with them. Everything I had donated in the last two weeks had already been taken -they were All crocheted caps & some of them I was not thrilled with. But,I do like these. I will check to see this Weds if they are gone???
Though I could not sell any of the kids outfits that I made - at least making these and donating them makes me happy.It is a shame that it takes money for the supplies.

I did have a nice surprise this week as Chris from DietCokeRocks sent me a "care package" and I loved everything in it . There were some LOVELY  fabrics and a real treat called Pineapple Lumps! I loved them -it was neat to get to test a treat from another corner of our world. I found myself just quietly grinning -that is what a big effect her kindness was.

I love each of you and appreciate All of the kind words and prayers on our behalf. I do not post to complain , but maybe to share this event that could creep into your lives also.My Mom used to say ,"Forewarned is Forewarned"-so maybe that is what it is? I do know I miss spending time with each of you daily! My life seems so out of control right now .

I am trying to keep you guys up to date by aiming for at least one day each week.
I love you - linda

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Life lessons can be such a challenge. This is a banner that one of our granddaughters made up to welcome her Pawpaw home from the hospital Last Saturday. The hospital had the whole room full when they told everybody there was nothing else they could do for him-they were sending him home to die and to just keep him comfortable with pain medicines.

This "Old Fart" business is not a sign of disrespect -but a quiet joke between him and his grandchildren. Kind of a love message. Then she added pictures of all of his great-grandbabies.

I started to not post about these experiences but then I thought if I could shine some insight for the path for others along the way. I really did consider all though our married life that one of us might die-but then I would tell myself we were young and I just would not take on that worry any earlier than I had to. I had not even heard of prostate cancer at that time in our life.

Our oldest son & his family brought DH home from the hospital in their van so there was room .It was hard to believe watching him come to the front door that things were different now and he would not be making these trips in and out of the house much longer.

But , no matter what that feeling of Needing to create something still rings true with me so I started working on some crochet cancer caps. The doctors were thrilled and told me that there was So many cancer patients who did not have the money to purchase things like this for themselves.

This last trip I noticed that they had put them on a little table with freebies for all.

This has been a crazy week as we lost our electricity one day and it just happened that was the day that DH had got his suspenders hung up under the picc line that is threaded into a vein in his arm so I took him to the office so the nurses could re-dress it .It is a plastic line that medical staff can use for shots instead of having to stick him SO many times -especially since he HATES needles so terribly.

Then  we had NO Phone service. I was SO mad at the phone company , Verizon!  No cell phones -no house phone and IF he was to have another stroke - how in the world would I call for help? This has been an ongoing problem for a couple of months now. I am beginning not to like big businesses like phone companies and electrical companies.

While at the doctors I finally placed a call to the medical people who were supposed to deliver his hospital bed. Next it was a trip to the new pharmacy that we are getting our meds from. Because of the change we had to have a paper copy of what medicines he needed. I hated all of the driving - it is so tiring to me and to him.

I had disassembled DH's water bed that night and carried all of it out the door. My back was just so tired it gave out and I could not carry it to the old building that I hoped to store it in. It was in very poor shape and I do not think I will be able to set it back up as it was starting to rot. That pile is still laying at the front side of the house.Maybe when the grand kids show up I will let them use their big , young muscles. LOL

I moved the chairs from the living room into the now fairly empty bedroom(isn't it amazing how much room a bed takes up in our average Small bedrooms?)DH wanted to be in the living room and it was a good thing that he did because that poor man would NEVER been able to assemble that bed in that small space. He had enough trouble as it was.

I am learning that this job of care-giving is a Lot Harder than I thought it would be-so my heart goes out to all of the care-givers out there , whether family or as jobs. These people work hard!

Today our oldest son came and took Dad out the road to visit a neighbor . While they were gone I eyeballed that hospital bed . I had not been in one since our last baby 28 years ago. Curiosity got the best of me and I crawled up in it . It felt really comfy at that moment and the next thing I knew I was waking up from an hours nap!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotta watch those hospital beds - I think they SNEAK up on your blind side. !

Well, I found a minute and I just had to visit with my wonderful blog family!
I love you guys - linda

Friday, June 8, 2012

Catching you guys up to why I have disappeared this past week so far:
DH has had two strokes -one on Monday night & one on Tues. morning. 

We were getting ready for bed when he came in the kitchen and said his left cheek was numb and his lips . I turned and asked him to smile for me - of course the left side could not -it just sagged, so I threw on clothes on both of us and took off. It was that night it was SO Foggy I could barely see. I admit it was only by the grace of my guardian angels that I made it. I would find myself confused from not being able to see the road and I would just FREEZE right in the road . That was about 11:30pm. 

Of course I got chewed out from a nurse for driving him there instead of calling the ambulance and that time was the essence. I was so shocked I froze again? They kept us there until 5AM when they called for transport to Salem, which is about a 45 minute drive. I was scared to death to drive home in all that fog -but I took it really slow (25mph) and made it safe. I wanted to lay down to sleep, but I knew IF I did I would not wake up till that afternoon and I had to contact the kids & his sister. So, somehow how that got accomplished and Cory picked me up that morning and took me with them . 

DH  was in ICU . I place has been a walking nightmare!!  Even Doug's brother who came down Weds. asked what had happened to that hospital. He said he had been coming there for 10 years for all of his heart problems and he had never had anybody treat him badly -but he did that day. 

There were a couple of things I learned to HATE. There were 4 different doctors and they never put their heads together and they avoided the family. So, it was like pulling teeth to find out what was happening? One doctor I really took a dislike to was called Dr. Harrow (I don't know IF that is the proper spelling or not) Turned out he was the doctor who had operated on Doug's sister's back? He told Doug he wanted a CTscan and Doug said he would have to have something to calm him and Harrow said No -that would mess up the test and Doug told him No because he could not. It seemed there was NO compromise and Harrow told him that his liver was shot and his kidneys too and he would do nothing for him. !

I was so upset - so when Dr. Culpepper came in I told him I did not like that we could find out what was going on from doctors or nurses or ANYBODY! I told him what Harrow said and he went & checked ALL of the tests and came back and said that there was NOTHING wrong with his liver and his kidneys were working GREAT. Mean while the damage had been done because it looked like the very light went out in Doug's eyes. He was ready to just give up. 

The next hump was when we went in the next morning and had to adorn ourselves with gowns & gloves because he was not suppose to have mersa . When evil Harrow came in I asked how he had contacted it and he said that he had a HISTORY of it. DIDN"T he have a boil on his neck and I said NO. 

I hate to be lied to and they gave me information saying that all he needed was some antibiotics. I knew that was wrong because of my friend -she had even told me that it lays in your body kinda like chickenpox . Then when you get stressed it blossoms again - kinda like the shingles ???? That went on all that day and then the next day they finally moved him and all of a sudden NO MORE gowns & gloves????? 

Then yesterday afternoon when nurses changed shifts a new threat raised it little head in the name of NURSES!  Ashley was suppose to be his nurse. Le't s just say they scraped the bottom of the barrel . At 4 pm Doug asked for water? At 9pm he finally got some -but that was ONLY to take a pill with or I don't think he would have got it then. Cory was the one who finally complained to the director and she was shocked. The entire ward had ALL of the patients call lights on and all of the nurses were in the nurses station-talking and laughing. Cory said it looked like an airport runway and it stayed that way for two hours. 

Cory &his AUNT were there this am when he called for meds that were 4 hours late and of course did not get any help-so Cory went to the nurse station and asked who was suppose to take care of 364 and one girl who had just came on said her. She said she was told it was for medicine. Cory told her that was the FIRST call - that this was the second and it was because his I V had came out and he was having his left arm go numb and his lips were tingling????? So she darted to the room. 

Then they called me at 12 today and said they had taken him down for more tests and they were going to put a filter in through his groin to catch the blood clots so they would not go to his heart of brain or lungs???? Then they called and said they were NOT going to do that because the clots were not where they would be captured???????? Then they said they would release him -then they said no??????????? 

Can you see why I was discombobulated?????  On top of all this circus I had called about my MEDS -I explained that I would run out before my doctor visit on Monday. The  last time when this happened  I was told to contact the nurse so I would never be in this position again of being off of the meds?????? Well first I was fussed at about the call time-I told her I HAD called Last Monday -but now I would not be able to get it because the pharmacist had gone on vacation? The gal was just as sweet as she could be -it was not her fault and I just wanted to go hang myself from the nearest tree. But , I have an appointment on Monday . What is wrong with this picture??? I REALLY miss the day when I could just go to our old pharmacy  and pick up my meds  on the way home from the doctor??????

Then dealing with NOT only DH  and being scared to death - now I had this CROWD of family to deal with . I was slowly loosing it ! I hide in a tiny waiting room last night and bawled where nobody could see me . I wanted to just run away and never be seen again. So, you were definitely thought of !  I just DO NOT FIT IN & it made me angry that I was being pushed to the point that I was loosing it .

So now ??? Doug can not have anymore of the blood thinner as that is what caused the bleeding in his brain! You know how that made me feel because I was hurting his with those dumb shots and they almost killed him? I better go fall in bed because Cory is suppose to call me in the morning . He called to see about picking me up and I told him I was not going because he was suppose to be released tomorrow. (I did not tell him the  real reason was that Doug's favorite cousin is suppose to come see him tomorrow from Wakefield and I just can not handle to be around him.  My nerves just feel like they are RAW and I cannot not handle any more.

On top of that I HAD to go to town this afternoon &  I actually ran out of the road ????? I was SO glad that no body saw it and SO glad that I did not turn over???? 

O gosh - I am falling asleep in my chair.  I better try to make it to the bed . Thank you guys so much for a chance to try to sort out my feelings.
Hugs, Linda

Sunday, June 3, 2012

It was another one of those days that just flew away. Our oldest son & his wife came & got our car this morning . He took it to his little garage to fix all of the things that caused us to get a Reject Sticker . They even stopped and washed it and vacuumed it out for me. I have wanted to do that for weeks now as one day seemed to gallop into the next day without accomplishing all of the things I would like to.Cory had even paid for all of it.I really hate that because I know he needs it for his family. The car still has a gas leak somewhere and then the lawn mower's steering broke so he had mentioned coming next weekend. It is a blessing to have a son that can do this type of work.I wish I could have learned , but DH did not have the patience to teach me-plus - he throwed too many screwdrivers and wrenches and I did not want them bouncing off of my head. LOL

I did my outdoor chores first and then the only thing I could get DH to eat was two little eggs. That is a long way down for the 6 eggs a few weeks ago.  I had several things I wanted to do ,but I decided to catch a bit of sewing . It is like medicine for the soul - even though I made my share of mistakes today. Darn it. Still it was the sanity saver that I needed.

Cory & Tracy brought the car back and actually spent a short while with us instead of running off so fast. It was a nice visit. As they were leaving our dear neighbor just two houses down the road popped in. His sweet wife sent DH some treats. Tony had been injured at a tire shoppe he was working at . One worker chipped a piece of metal and it went flying all the way through the back of his eye. It was horrible and he has had so much pain and two surgeries -only to be told he is blind in that one eye now.

This shirt is a size xxl and I really like the fabric.It is a part cotton jersy with some latex and that makes it nice & stretchy. It looks blue in the pictures-but it is really a soft grey.This pattern called for the back to be larger than the front. I have not decided what I think -maybe it would come in handy if someone had an ample bum- to help cover it up????????

I down loaded some new chemo cap patterns -both crochet and sewing & I want to test them out? But, I HAVE to work on those bills and count my blessings that they soon will be paid for this month -one more time.

I better scat- hope you have a wonderful new week!!!!!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 2, 2012

What a day it has been. Last night I put on a crockpot full of beans because I was expecting DH's sister & her DH.  This morning after I did chores I started on a rhubarb cake as I knew that his sister liked rhubarb raw - so I wanted to test her to see what she would think of a cake.

While I was working on that Our Oldest son & a friend of his showed up and proceeded to mow our yard. They had a small lawn mower and a small John Deere tractor -but after just one trip for the lawn mower the steering broke. I did two small sacks of grass clippings and put them on a few of the newly planted tomato plants mulched. That was one reason I had not mowed because I wanted it for the garden and I waited until the doctor visit to save gas before I got the plants. Then when I was ready to mow and mulch -that was when I got the rug hung under the mower??? By the time I got that fixed it had started to rain & that was why it had not been mowed. Pooh! It seems like every time I touch that mower something always goes wrong and prevents me from getting my education.

But, anyway - now there were two guys mowing -next Cory's wife and two daughters-one with her almost two year old  and one son with his two children-this one up top is 8 months old and the other will be two this fall .

They  came for a visit while Cory mowed. Then our youngest son and his little 16 month old baby boy popped in with a friend of his.Emmett's little on was wide open so I put up baby gates to keep him in the living room with the rest of the small fry.

This is little Emmett with his Aunt Tracy tickling him /

Emmett & his buddy , Bronson. Bronson gave me some flowers called Hens & Chickens from a job he did for somebody. I was tickled to death and as soon as they left I went out and planted them so I would not forget!

This is our oldest son sitting beside DH . Not only did he mow -but he is also coming to get our car in the morning  to fix it so we can get it inspected . He has already ordered the parts & is suppose to pick them up in the morning. It bothers me that he is paying for things for us as I know he needs it for  his family. I sure do wish I could get that "money-tree" to grow and be productive.

My sister-in-law did show up and she held Casper (her parrot on loan to DH as he enjoys having him to talk to) She held Casper and I trimmed his nails. I did good until the last clip and I nipped it too short and made it bleed. Drats! I really hate that !  Casper is such a funny character. Since he is 26 he makes me think of a grumpy little old man.  Kathy was going to hand him back to me to put in the cage & when I reached for him he SHREAKED at me. LOL - Everybody thought it was because I had nipped him -but I knew it was because he did not want to leave his Mama. She got him when he was nothing more than a little ball of fluff and she worked with him constantly -so , of course he sees her as his Mommy. You can see by the way he is cuddled up to her that he is perfectly happy.

  Cory actually sneaked a picture of me as I was swinging Little Emmett between my legs. Sneaky, Sneaky!
I did get REALLY Lucky as I feed the entire crew with that one crockpot full of beans with cornbread to go with it -chow chow on the side and the rhubarb cake for desert!

Come to think of it - I did not see the oldest son eat. !Drats.
Now they have all gone and I am POOPED! I did the evening chores and washed the dishes.Good thing about beans is it was all bowls-down to the very last one. LOL

I am so very tired , but I have managed to cut out one shirt so far. Can you believe that it is already HALF way through our year -SO - Christmas is only 6 months away.  I am so far behind already. But, I have started learning about those chemo caps for the cancer patients. I bet I have crocheted half of my life-but I am learning now about the different properties of the yards. For the caps they have to be SOFT and the first group I made was from a very soft and stretchy yarn so I really liked them.

But a group I am working on now -the yarns look soft -but they are not comping out with the stretch that I hoped for. I have even ripped them out and tried a different pattern -but not with much luck ??? Gosh, so much to learn and so little time to learn it in. LOL

I hope you have a lovely week coming up that Joy walks with you.
Hugs, Linda

Friday, June 1, 2012

Our youngest granddaughter , Cory Dainelle blowing out her candles on her birthday this past Tuesday.  Hard to believe time goes so fast -AND - just seems to go faster with each passing year.

I just have to share a Funny Story with you. I believe that all of you know that I have not driven for the last 5 years when a teenage boy hit us head on. But, when DH got so weak last week it FORCED me back into the drivers seat. Not something I want to do because I have spells of my eyesight going all blurry . It feels like you just got a big wet sponge thrown into your eye-so I am doing the best I know how to do.

Yesterday was a day I thought I was going to STAY HOME  & have Peace & Quiet.

First thing was our youngest son arrived because his wife was forced to work for free at a community service job to be allowed to keep the 200.00 that they receive . Our son's problem is that he has a terrible back problem and has had two back surgeries and they are already talking another back surgery. They say they have never seen a back so bad on one so young.

The problem was that it left Emmett taking care of the now"Running Toddler" -whom he adores. But it was killing his back and he came for a visit so the three of us might watch him. LOL  I told him that if they took the good parts of each of us -it would not even create one healthy person. LOL

About the time we had all settled down DH looked down at the picc line in his arm and it had started to bleed? He asked me to call his doctor and see what to do. I did & they told us to bring him on in for them to look at it.So the troop gathered itself together and we were off.

At the doctor's office they redressed it and said it was from the blood thinner they had put him on. So, DH was now clean and bandaged again . I told him that our inspection sticker was due to go out Tomorrow and should we try to get it inspected? I asked him IF it was ready for an inspection and he said yes.

We take off to the first inspection garage that we like the people who work there. Here I am , scared to death anyway and this is a terrible road to drive on. It is just SO crowded and the drivers are always short tempered for some reason and more people have been killed on it than any other road I know of in our area. . DH is telling me how he wants me to park once we get there and I am checking the traffic behind us and just as we arrive - THE ENTIRE PARKING LOT is crammed FULL!  I panic and check the oncoming traffic and make the decision to turn right then OFF of the road to the opposite side of the road than my turn signal had been pointing to.  ( I had already checked to make for sure that no rash driver was going to pass me in the gravels ) I think DH almost had a heart attack -but the traffic poured past me and I was so relieved and the traffic was too.

Our DS got out and hobbled across the highway to ask the mechanics about an inspection sticker and they said not today? So, we loaded up AGAIN and headed on into town and stopped at a garage that my cousin runs. He as shaking his head as DH pointed into our sticker. He came over and said that they had RUN OUT OF STICKERS!   I was now getting tired and very disappointed. We normally take care of this matter early in the month-but with all the doctors and the hospital we both had forgotten.

My cousin tells us of another garage that I did not know about and it was just BACK up the road. I turned around and back we go. It is in the back of a car lot - so that was why I had never known it existed. DS gets out and goes to ask them- they say they are SWAMPED! By then I feel like I am on drugs as I feel SO crazy! Trying to do the right thing and all these crazy things??????????????????????????????

So DH thinks of one more place where they sell tires . Back up the road and they ever so sweetly take us in and point us to their waiting room. It is nice and cool in there and we raid their machine for cookies as we are all starving by now.

After about 45 minutes a lady comes out and tells us that she is going to put a REJECT stitcker on it because it has a leak of some kind in the exhaust and some kind of spring thing is bad too. DH is very upset & gets in a foul mood -you know how fellows are,especially when tired and hungry . I pay them and they say we have to get it fixed within 16 days -but you cannot drive it unless you are taking it to be fixed?

I asked the boy how I paid and he said IF we got pulled over - it would be at the discretion of the police officer as to give or not give a ticket????

I was SO glad to be heading home -even though my head was trying to figure out how to get things fixed since DH is not able any more and there is definitely not enough money to pay a business to fix it???? As I was lost in my thoughts I happened to glance in the rear view mirror and there was FLASHING BLUE LIGHTS!  Scared the hebbie jeebies out of me. I thought it was a police trying to pass me to go to what ever disaster???? IMAGINE my shock when he pulled in behind me!

I looked at my family and asked what I had done wrong?????????????????????????????????????????????
By then the officer is at my window and I asked him ? IMAGINE my surprise when he goes to the front of the car & looks at my REJECT STICKER!!!!!!!!!!! LOL By now I have had enough DAY and I almost fall out laughing!

He comes back and asks for my license which I have to DIG OUT FROM UP UNDER MY SEAT because I could not have it beside me as the car is TOO FULL of people and babies and junk! LOL
I finally pull it out and give it to him and tell him how we JUST GOT that sticker. He was a very sweet officer as he smiled so I asked HIM about driving the vehicle for the 16 days because of DH's cancer treatments once a week and he told me the same thing as the boy at the tire shop.

He hands me my drivers license back and starts to walk off when I holleed at him to "Have a nice day with his pretty blue lights" and I actually get a smile from him. We get ready to depart and he has turned in the parking lot and I am scared to pull across his path . I can see him smile and he motions me to go on and I am still nervous and as I let the clutch out too fast and do a wheelie right in front of him. IT's a great thing that my "guardian angel" was riding on top of the car because I just wondered IF I WAS EVER GOING  TO GET HOME???????????????????????????????? LOL