One of my furangels

I had not intended to post tonight because I did not want to post negative feelings and fears. But when I went to bed my eyes were so tired , but my brain just would not shut down . I finally gave up after an hour and came in here to at least work on another crocheted chicken-something creative.Sometimes I guess that is what keeps us going.

It was a sad day because DH took one of his first treatments of the zometa -which is suppose to help stabilize the bones that the cancer has metastasized into. They wanted to give him his first treatment of chemo-but he declined it-but they also gave him another hormone shot. They told him that these fluids might make him have "flue-like" symptoms? He did ask about his sleeping a LOT lately and Dr. McCoy told him that the disease might have something to do with that and that some of the pain meds might have something to do with that. I sat with him while they dripped the medicine in him and read a book about prostate cancer . I did not like what I read... When his doctor came in to talk to him about meds he checked out his chart and very low he said that the tumor looked like a bomb had exploded inside of him .

I was lucky that I had a counseling session because I managed to maintain my composure until I got with her and I broke down and bawled for the hour. I think that each of you must try to be strong for the other-but I am really lost. I hate this MONSTER who is stealing him away from me. At least when he was burnt we were working toward the goal of getting him better-but not so with this.

You know - I guess All of us married people have this to look forward to. This definitely was not in our thoughts when our love was so new .

I do not mean to be so negative - thank you for letting me share my doubts and fears.
love to all!